On Friday, May 2, 39 Westbrook High School students gathered together as a group to engage one another in conversations on difficult and painful issues affecting the climate and culture of our school. Nicole Manganelli from the Unity Project led our students through a series of discussions and activities to help us experience first hand the impact of the language we use. We explored the attitudes we carry when we label others who are different from us. We took a step back to self-reflect upon the times we talked hurtfully about people on social media whom we just don’t like. Students volunteered to read a short sentence written by high-school-aged youth from around Maine whose lives have been negatively affected through racist, sexist, bias-driven comments that put kids down for things that they can’t change about themselves, such as the color of their skin, their national origin, and their religion and beliefs.

Our students are working hard to affect change in our school. There was no snickering or laughter when words that cannot be printed in newspapers, but are often used to describe another human being, were written on a flip chart with the accompanying feelings and actions of the assailed described in grisly detail. In the four Student Leader Project workshops involving 140 Westbrook High School students over the last two years, I have been impressed with the level of empathy and understanding our young people employ as they stand back and examine themselves, their attitudes, their own use of language and the hurt which results when reflective thought is replaced by impulsive action. Our students are doing the difficult work that emerges through looking in the mirror and asking the tough question, “Is what I say and do each day part of the problem or part of the solution?”

The unfortunate headlines of poor adolescent decision making, underage drinking and a community in crisis must move us from impulsive blaming and stereotyping of our youth and its attached parental culture, toward reflecting upon what we can learn about each other through designing leadership opportunities like the Unity Project to help teens address the tough issues they face every day. Dialogue sessions produce teaching moments where we draw out, empower and create involvement on the part of our youth, encouraging them to solve the problem from within their culture, peer groups and social networking relationships. Westbrook High School students are adamant that high profile events of the past year “are not who we are.” One out of every 10 students at Westbrook High is a Big Brother or Big Sister to a younger child in our school system (65 matches), meeting once a week, listening, playing games and lifting up the self-esteem and confidence of elementary, middle school and ninth-grade youth. We need to believe that the same moldable, shapeable adolescent brain that is often aligned with impulsivity and poor executive functioning is also capable of deep empathy, understanding, and creative problem solving.

We are hopeful that in the space of the negative publicity and painful labeling we have sustained, that it will create additional opportunities for youth to not only say “enough is enough,” but come together asking the questions, “How can I make a difference in my school? What am I learning about myself and my own attitudes that need to change? Do I care about myself and my own needs more than I care about others?” And for us as adults, whether we are parents, teachers or members of the Westbrook community, we must do the same.

Dr. Bruce A. Dyer

Westbrook High School

school counselor

Unity Project adviser

Big Brother/Big Sister adviser