Last week’s sizzling weather appears to have fried the few functioning neurons in many Maine politicians’ brains. Either that, or some of them were born stupid.

Here are a few examples.

The press release from the future. In early July, a computer-savvy source sent me a link to a website for 2nd District congressional candidate Alden Smith. The site contained Smith’s biography – he’s a Democrat and a building contractor – as well as photos of him and a press release announcing his candidacy. Standard stuff, except all of it was dated August 1. Which, last time I checked, hasn’t happened yet.

Within a few days, the site disappeared, but I’m guessing Smith won’t be campaigning on a platform based on improving cyber-security.

There are at least six other Dems seeking this seat, which will be wide open if incumbent Mike Michaud runs for governor. On the plus side, at least three of them have already done stupider things than Smith (Bangor City Councilor Joe Baldacci thinks his last name is an asset; Senate Majority Leader Troy Jackson of Allagash often tries to speak in public without noticeable success; Secretary of State Matthew Dunlap of Old Town lost to Cynthia Dill – Cynthia Dill!!! – in the 2012 U.S. Senate primary).

That ought to give Smith some hope – in spite of his temporal challenges.

The LePage splash. The Saco Republican Committee held a “day of fun” on July 20 at the Aquaboggan water park. According to a press release announcing the event, the featured speakers included Gov. Paul LePage, ex-State Treasurer Bruce Poliquin, Tea Party activist Blaine Richardson and Beth O’Connor who’s listed as being “from the Maine GOP.”

For the record, O’Connor resigned in a snit earlier this month from her post as vice-chairwoman of the Republican State Committee. Poliquin and Richardson both harbor ill-considered notions of being the GOP nominee for Congress in the state’s 2nd District. So why are they in Saco, which is deep in the 1st District?

That’s not the really stupid part, though. The honor for that goes to the organizer of an event that summons visions of LePage in a Speedo. Where’s a governmental cover-up when you need one.

The press release from the past: I thought I had somehow returned to the 1980s when I read last week’s emailed release from Michael Heath. Heath, ousted as executive director of the Christian Civic League of Maine in 2009 for being too far to the right even for that organization, commended Gov. LePage for “his recent plain-spoken and honest remarks which compared the political maneuvering of certain guileful politicians to the act of sodomy.” (For those of you who somehow missed it, LePage accused Troy Jackson of being “the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline.”)

Heath, who now bills himself and his partner (no, not that kind of partner) Paul Madore as “The Conscience of Maine,” went on to claim, “The vile tide of perversion which [gay rights] forces unleashed is now at high-water mark, as sodomy and transgenderism have encroached on every institution in our state, in particular our public schools.”

Water parks are still safe, however.

Wait, maybe Heath has a point. At Florence House, a Portland homeless shelter for women, transgenderism has reared its ugly head. Complete with 5 o’clock shadow.

A couple of people have been staying at the facility recently claiming to be transgendered. But in one case, the person identifying as having trans-status exhibits no female characteristics, except for occasionally wearing a skirt. According to residents quoted in a story in the Portland Press Herald, he – I mean, she – also shaves her face infrequently, resulting in significant unwomanly stubble. They also say this human being stares at female residents in the common areas of the shower facility.

Officials at Florence House have been reluctant to take any action, because state law forbids discrimination based on sexual orientation, the definition of which includes being transgendered.

I support that law. I just think there should be a common-sense legal exception for voyeuristic creeps. If they want their jollies, they don’t need to bother women who may be escaping from abusive relationships. They can just go to a water park during a GOP fundraiser.

Inhale: yes. Exhort: no. The Portland City Council voted on July 15 to hold a referendum in November on legalizing marijuana. Supporters of the measure have shifted their attempt to appeal to voters from the dubious claim that pot is better for you than alcohol to the equally unlikely proposition that arrests for possession of weed disproportionately affect minorities. Why these dopers can’t simply point out that prohibition doesn’t work is beyond me.

At the same meeting, councilors decided to outlaw panhandling on median strips, a municipal problem that ranks below only terrorism, economic stagnation and strange congressional candidates from the future.

Overheated? Cool down before emailing me at aldiamon@herniahill.net.