As I stated in last week’s column, I traveled last week to Groton, Conn. to visit some friends when I was stationed at the American Embassy when it was in Bonn, West Germany. It had been a couple of years since I was in Groton and I wondered how the 220-or-so mile trip would be since all but just a few miles is on interstate highways. As far as traffic goes, I chose the best time to travel (left Monday, returned Friday) and had no traffic interruptions at all except for the actions of those drivers who shouldn’t have a driver’s license to begin with. Mind you, what it does not compare to is the love of driving the Germans have on their autobahns with no speed limits.

I left my house at 10 a.m., traveled the River Road to Westbrook where I entered the Maine Turnpike at the Rand Road intersection and that’s where the fun began. Much of the turnpike before Scarborough is posted for 55 mph not that anyone but me was doing that. I would love to claim that the majority of drivers passing me were from Massachusetts or Connecticut but that was not the case because the majority passing me were young male drivers with Maine license plates. Somewhere below Biddeford I was almost hit by some moron driving on his freeway of love. This idiot, and that’s putting it mildly, was doing somewhere between 80 to 90 mph while weaving through three lanes of traffic attempting to pass everything in sight except life itself. I fully suspect that brainless fool will soon become another statistic of death somewhere on a Maine highway.

Besides seeing all kinds of examples of why some people should never have a driver’s license, I approached the toll booths at Kittery where there was solid proof that one does take life in his or her hands when sitting behind the steering wheel, especially on the interstate. I have come to the conclusion that EZ-Pass sounds awful simple and yet there are those drivers who end up on the left side of the toll booths instead of the right side where the cash lanes are located. Mind you, they have no problem cutting across eight lanes of traffic and if that isn’t bad enough, spend five minutes coming up with the money to pay for the toll. Of course, the Interstate 95 racetrack through New Hampshire is just a precursor of what’s to come when one turns right on to I-495 where insanity becomes law and the rules of road are long forgotten.

I don’t mind people passing me but the only conclusion I can come to after driving on I-495 is that anyone with Mass. license plates must be somewhat irritated when someone from Maine passes them. There was this little black foreign car that would pass me, slow down, I would pass it and this happened for miles. I have no clue as to why some people pass and then slow down after they get in front of you so all I can conclude is that it must be some sort of game that they play. I have also come to the conclusion that I-495 has no traffic rules at all except the first one who gets to where they are going wins. I also have no idea why some nitwits can enjoy being 3 feet behind your rear bumper when you are doing 65 mph but then again I guess they don’t have the mental capacity to think in the first place.

The return trip was not bad except for two accidents that appeared to be caused by brainless drivers weaving in and out of traffic attempting to shave a couple of seconds off their travel time. It’s good to be back in Windham where I can wait for a red light to change to green at the Route 202 and River Road intersection. It’s amazing how many cars traveling River Road can run a red light before I even attempt to go.

Lane Hiltunen of Windham wonders how some drivers ever got their license.