There was a letter to The Times Record I wish I hadn’t signed a few years ago. It made a difference, I know, because several people spoke to me with total approval and some, I could tell, confirmed their heretofore unthoughtout opinions.

The petition was about equal rights for homosexuals, and it was signed by other members of the Social Action Commission of St. Charles Church.

So why am I sorry I signed it? Did I believe it then and not believe it now?

Yes, I believed the contents of it then — or what I thought the contents said, I can’t be sure — and I still do.

So why am I sorry I signed it? Because it was misleading.

Am I for equal rights for gays and lesbians? Of course, I am: Yes, a resounding yes.

Then what’s the problem?

The problem is that marriage equality is not the same thing. Hear me out.

When a man and a woman have sexual relations, something very special happens. They fit together —physically — in a way that two people of the same sex simply cannot. When the man and a woman come together, they not only become one but out of that connection new life can come … new life in the form of a distinctly different human being, a third person.

That is what needs to be protected.

When the subject of marriage for homosexuals was new and being introduced in Vermont, I heard a radio talk show on the subject. One caller identified himself as a gay man, said he was for this but he wished they wouldn’t use the word “marriage.”

The host was a bit surprised by that contribution to the conversation, gasped at the new idea. He said, “You mean you would be for this if it weren’t called marriage?”

The fellow said “Yes.”

There was a letter to The Times Record not so long ago in which the writer ended by saying “Just don’t use our word.”

This became clear to me when an organ repair person explained about two parts in the innards of the organ “married.” Those two parts became one. That’s what happens when two people of the opposite sex engage in the marital act, they become one.

It should be clear that I am not saying gay and lesbian people shouldn’t have equal rights. I certainly do believe they should, that everyone should.

This is not to say that homosexuals do not love each other. I know they do.

It’s not to say that homosexuals shouldn’t be able to buy houses together, have insurance protection. I still cry when I think of the young man in Bangor who was killed by a gang because he was gay. All discrimination should stop forever.

But the coupling of two people of the same sex should not be called marriage because it simply isn’t. What happens between a man and a woman is what marriage is, and that should be protected.

As the writer to The Times Record said a while ago: “Just don’t use our word.”

HELEN SMALL lives in Brunswick.