Watching the infomercials that pass for Republican presidential candidate debates is similar to viewing a reality TV program. To put much credence in the show’s content requires a skill generally associated with fans of professional wrestling: The willing suspension of disbelief.

Observing the various would-be chief executives argue over who’s most opposed to taxes, who’d best make Americans proud again, and who can gleefully launch the spiciest zingers at the current president ”“ a thoughtful, articulate pragmatist who has consistently risked the wrath of his own party’s left wing while having his hands tied by willful GOP obstructionists ”“ might be mildly amusing if the stakes weren’t ultimately so high.

But vying for the spot atop the non-incumbent party’s presidential ticket is no simple task, even when the weapons at your disposal include a lavishly bankrolled propaganda machine consisting of a sham cable “news” network, shouting know-nothings who lie with impunity while dominating the talk radio airwaves, and some equally shrill bloggers and right-wing pundits unfettered by any need for accuracy.

Navigating one’s way through the primaries is tricky. It’s not easy to simultaneously please the high-profile right-wing blowhards who claim to control the sentiments of a significant number of Americans, while at the same time appearing rational enough to be electable next November by those who do not subscribe to the right-wing boilerplate. 

Although one wouldn’t know it from tuning in to the Republican “debates,” many Americans actually do favor health insurance for all, don’t think same-sex marriage will ruin society, are willing to pay reasonable taxes for government services, and remember all too well which party’s advocacy of deregulation, as well as its poorly-executed, unfunded wars of choice, caused the currently ailing economy to tank so disastrously in the first place.

As the circus that is the battle for the Republican presidential nomination goes on, what’s more interesting than the poll-inspired, focus group-preapproved canned sound bites each hopeful endlessly parrots is something most or all of them rarely mention: Their military service, or lack thereof.

It wasn’t long ago that neither major political party would have considered putting someone without experience in America’s armed forces at the top of its ticket. But Michele Bachmann wasn’t eligible, Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman and Rick Santorum never wore a uniform, and while Ron Paul and Rick Perry both did, neither spends much time publicly dwelling on it. And recent history indicates they’re probably wise not to do so.

Four years ago, the Republican presidential candidate was John McCain, a Navy veteran and genuine hero whose exceptional resume included not yielding to frequent torture during the nearly six years he was held as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. But despite that, he was defeated by Barack Obama, who never served in the military. In 2004 George W. Bush, who spent the Vietnam era dressed up as a soldier but never went overseas (mostly thanks to some people who had the foresight to arrange that he not have to do so) won re-election over Democrat John Kerry, who had been decorated for heroism in southeast Asia. Four years earlier, the same Mr. Bush emerged triumphant in a closely-contested election against Al Gore, who, like Kerry, had enlisted for service in the same war that the man who was to become the nation’s 43rd president managed to avoid.

Military service not being helpful in presidential politics isn’t limited to the 2000s. In 1992, incumbent President George H. W. Bush, who served his nation with exceptional distinction as an aviator during World War II, was defeated for re-election by Bill Clinton, who not only was never in the military, but spent much of the Vietnam Era experimenting with (though allegedly never inhaling) illegal substances. And four years later, Clinton won re-election over Republican candidate Bob Dole, a man whose souvenirs of his World War II service in Europe included a permanently paralyzed right arm, which he sustained when he was hit by German machine gun fire.

The election of 1988 was the last time a presidential candidate with a military service record clearly superior to that of his opponent was elected to the White House. That’s when the first President Bush triumphed over Democrat Michael Dukakis, whose required years in the army (1955-57) were spent quietly in Korea, long after the armed conflict there had concluded.

For a nation full of people of all political persuasions whose seeming mantra is “Support the Troops,” Americans sure have a funny way of showing their appreciation, at least when it comes to presidential elections.

— Andy Young teaches high school English in York County. He never served in the military, nor does he plan on seeking the presidency of the United States.