According to the website www.jointogether.org, approximately 9.4 percent of the U.S. population has a diagnosable alcohol or other drug related disorder, or more than 19.4 million people in our country alone.

I have to say I was a little surprised at the number, not at the sheer volume of it but rather that it seems a bit low. Maybe this is an example that shows like-minded people gravitate toward each other but I would have rounded that number at a much higher percentage.

Everyone, it seems, has been effected in some way or another by the pull of an addiction, either in themselves or the nightmare of watching someone they love be consumed by alcohol or drugs.

Some experts claim addiction is a disease, not all that unlike cancer, in that the addict only holds a limited amount of responsibility for throwing their lives away. But unlike cancer, which can strike regardless of the victims daily activities, addicts spend their lives searching for, attaining, excusing or avoiding their fix. It becomes who they are, how they spend their time and it effects not only their lives but that of everyone who cares about them at all.

I’ve walked both sides of the addiction fence. I’ve felt the pull of surrender to something I knew I should walk away from, and I’ve lost more people to drugs and alcohol than I care to count. Having lived both roles, I can assuredly vow that loving someone with an addiction is a million times harder of a life to lead then being the addict or alcoholic themselves.

In nearly every circumstance that I’ve seen, an addict doesn’t work alone. There are people in their life who love them, either for the person they used to be or who they hope that person will become. They are the ones who make the excuses for when the addict fails, pick up the pieces of their shattered lives at every turn and consume themselves with worry and fear that the next drink, hit or what-have-you will claim the very life they’re trying to desperately save.

Living the life of an addict is pretty one-track-minded and simple. Numb the monkey on your back, regardless of what it takes, who it hurts, what you have to throw away to get there. There’s nothing sacred, untouchable or worth holding onto.

Living with an addict in your life is another world away. You dread when they walk through your door, but simultaneously want to vomit from relief they’re still alive. You search their face for clues. Are they high? Drunk? Coherent? Are they angry at the world or pretending like they’re fine?

Codependency, so it’s called, is as consuming as the addition itself without the bliss of a chemically-induced escape. There’s nothing you won’t give that person to help them in any way, yet nothing seems to help them get any better. So you try harder, say less, judge less and hope more. You hear people around you say things like the value of tough love, but when it’s your own parent, child, spouse or sibling then walking away just isn’t an option. You want nothing more for them to see the path to becoming healthy again.

Being around enough people who have struggled with their addictions, one thing has become abundantly clear; there is no such thing as forcing someone to get clean or sober. You can try, and they may concede for a short time, but unless they’re ready to face both their problems with substance abuse and at the same time fight the demons that drove the need to numb themselves then their sobriety is simply temporary.

There are few things I can imagine more heart-breaking and all-consuming as watching someone you love drown in drugs or alcohol. Drawing the line in the sand of how far you’ll go to help them is next to impossible. It feels like you’re personally responsible for signing a death sentence for someone who means the world to you. So you keep hanging on, waiting for the brief moments you see the glimpses of the person you know and love, until addiction rears its ugly head and steals them from you again.

The temptation is irresistible to just give a little more time, love, compassion and understanding while waiting for their return. Codependency becomes eerily similar to an addiction as walking away or stepping back becomes nearly unfathomable.

Alcoholism and drug addiction knows no social, economic, racial or demographic bounds. It is a brutal disease that affects everyone in the addict’s life. It ruins the addict’s life and steals any quality of life of the people around them. Yet somehow nearly one in 10 people (according to the statistics) in this country have enough of a problem to be considered diagnosable.

For information on the support group Alcoholics Anonymous, visit the website www.aa.org. For information on Narcotics Anonymous, go to www.na.org. For information on Al Anon, a group for friends and families of addicts, go to www.al-anon.alateen.org.

— Elizabeth Reilly can be reached at elizabethreilly1@yahoo.com.