One of the greatest catch phrases I’ve learned to date comes straight from my father. “You can’t teach common sense.”

Although he’s often muttered that sentence in the context of work-related mishaps, his voice came through my mind when I read a newspaper article recently that quite literally left me staring at the page as though the actual piece of paper itself was stark-raving mad.

The article, printed in the Portland Press Herald on April 4, covered a movement that had taken place a few days prior in which a few dozen men and women walked, in broad daylight, no less, from Longfellow Square in Portland to Monument Square.

Topless. As in with no stitch of clothing covering their torsos.

Apparently, the walk was to promote spreading the word that women are in every way legally allowed to go anywhere in public without having a shirt on. The group was hoping the demonstration could help erase a double standard of men being able to go shirtless and women having to cover up.

OK, so I suppose there are a select few in my gender pool who would see the benefit in, well, letting it all hang out. I suppose that’s their choice. Personally, I think even the thought of trying said free-for-all would immediately send both my grandmothers into doing somersaults in their graves. That doesn’t mean I particularly care whether these women de-robe just to say they can. I’m just saying it’s not my cup of tea.

What did confound me is the leader of said march, a young woman named Ty McDowell, expressed her distaste about the attention they received not being the specific kind of attention she was hoping for.

In the article, she was quoted as saying she was upset by how many people were taking their pictures without the consent of the person being photographed. She was “enraged” at the “wall of men” using cell phones and cameras to capture the, um, moment.

Upon reading this part of the article I spontaneously began smacking myself in the forehead and muttering aloud to Ms. McDowell, who of course was nowhere even close to being within earshot. Such things as, “dude, are you kidding me right now” and “oh, for crying out loud.”

Now, I may not have traveled to the ends of the earth and I’m fully aware that there are lessons I may never be taught or grasp in this lifetime.

However, there are a few things that are downright elementary. More than 20 people, men and women, walk down one of the busiest arterials in the state of Maine for both pedestrian and automotive traffic. They are only wearing half the clothing that is the status quo in our society. Chances are, you’re going to get a few strange looks at best.

If I would have been nearby at the time of the show I certainly would have been agape, and possibly even would have whipped out my camera. After all, it’s just not that often in a lifetime you see such a spectacle unless you’re in an establishment that promotes that sort of thing.

If a parade of people were walking the same path in the dead of winter wearing shorts, tank-tops and barefoot much of the same reaction would ensue. People would stop, stare, gape and possibly take photographs at the ridiculously out-of-ordinary scene taking place.

Additionally, whether Ms. McDowell sees certain parts of the female anatomy as sensual is moot. The vast majority of the American populace would strongly and emphatically disagree. Female breasts, as it may, are seen as part of a bigger package by our society and, by most of us, mind you, are indeed viewed as part of our sexuality.

As a female, expecting to be accepted in our society topless as ordinary simply will not happen. Even breastfeeding in public is still seen as somewhat of a taboo, although that at least has come some leaps and bounds in past years. (Yes, Ms. McDowell, I’m speaking from personal experience.)

I’m assuming, if Ms. McDowell possesses a thread of common sense that deep down she’s fully aware of that fact. Gathering other like-minded women and marching down Congress Street in broad daylight with no shirts on will indeed stop traffic. It will also elicit stares and send scores of young, as-of-yet self-controlled men scrambling to document every second of it so they can later prove to their buddies that they saw what they saw. Heck, if one woman walks down any street wearing next to nothing, regardless of the definition, the same reaction will take place.

Instead of trying to re-invent the wheel and turn Portland into a page out of a National Geographic magazine, perhaps Ms. McDowell can redirect her obviously courageous and valiant (albeit misled) effort to erase genetic double-standards in areas more impacting and achievable. If she feels the need to do so topless, so be it. I, for one, am staying buttoned-up.

— Elizabeth Reilly can be reached at elizabethreilly1@yahoo.com.