It’s said that everyone wants a wife. That’s not a sexist remark so much as it is a fact.  The traditional wife boasts a domestic resume that is without peer. She’s a whiz at multi-tasking, a superb team player, and manager of the highest order. With credentials like these, it’s perfectly clear why everyone ”“ male and female alike ”“ would want a wife of their own.

Now I don’t claim to be the universal matchmaker, but I may have found the wife for all of us.  Never mind about her age, her looks, even her marital status.  I’ve never actually met Karen.  But we’ve talked on the phone, she’s made promises, her word is good.

Karen came into my life recently when I called about my bottled water delivery.  For years now, I’ve had gallons of it delivered every month.  Just how many gallons, however, is always a question.  My standing order has long been two cases.  What shows up each month is anyone’s guess.

Consistency is not the company’s strong suit.

True, I could have switched to another company ages ago.  But the recurrent error has had its perks:  Lots of free spring water.  At that price, I can afford to be annoyed.

Enter Karen.

When I called to report last month’s delivery snafu, I asked Karen to please check my record.  As she went back in the files, she found a pattern of errors that set her in motion.

“It couldn’t be that hard to deliver the proper amount of water,” she observed.  And so you would think.

Karen had a plan.  She would speak to the driver who handles my route and to the district manager.  She would make a change in the database.  We would begin a series of monthly talks.

“We’re going to stay together on this, and we’ll bond, and I’ll take care of it,” she announced.

I liked her vigor, even if the bonding seemed a bit much.

The next week rolled around and, sure enough, a message was waiting on my voicemail the morning of my delivery day.  Just a reminder that Karen was on the case.

That afternoon, my water wasn’t just delivered; the boxes ”“ two, to be exact ”“ were stacked neatly like a little fortress by the door.

The phone rang at five.  It was Karen calling to confirm that all had gone as planned.  I thanked her for a job well done and we agreed to talk in a month.

It may not be clear why Karen is my candidate for the universal wife.  But the evidence should speak for itself:  She sees a problem and solves it.  She’s dutiful, efficient ”“ she gets the job done.  While lesser talents at the firm have dabbled with my account for years, it was Karen who, in one fell swoop, eradicated the problem.

In a more perfect world, Karen would be heading up some conglomerate, streamlining corporate waste.  Instead she’s found her niche in Customer Service, which is, arguably, the daily lot of the traditional wife.  She listens to endless complaints and solves endless problems.

Frankly, I wish I could hire Karen to deal with my roof and wiring problems, and sundry other troubles that linger unresolved.  In no time, I’m sure she’d whip things into shape.

— Joan Silverman is a writer from Kennebunk. This article appeared earlier in The Dallas Morning News.