Dear men of Maine,

On the morning of Monday, July 9, we learned about the most recent murder of a young woman from Maine, Nicole Oliver, at the hands of the man who claimed, and probably believed, that he loved her. This story has been told too often, and by too many families in Maine.

It is time for it to stop.

Domestic violence can no longer be someone else’s problem. And we can no longer consider it “a women’s issue.” Men, it is time for us to ask “What can I do to stop this from happening to someone else?” Statistically it is only a matter of time before other people’s story will become our own. The number of calls to Maine’s domestic violence hot line is staggering, one in five high school-aged girls reports having been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Look hard enough and you’ll see that the problem is closer to home than you think. As a father, a son, a brother, I want to make Maine a safer place for the women in my life.

As fathers, and father figures, there is much we can do. First we must tell our sons and daughters that people who love you don’t call you names, try to control you, or keep you from doing the things you want to do. We must tell them that people who love you never believe that they are entitled to hit you. They never believe that hitting is okay because “You had it coming.” No one ever has it coming.

We can choose to do even more by learning about the nature of domestic violence, why men – and it is mostly men – do the things they do to the women they love and what can be done to change their behavior. Finally, if we suspect (or know) that one of our friends is abusing his wife or girlfriend we can break the silence. We can tell him it’s wrong and encourage him to choose to stop, or get help if he can’t stop on his own.

You do not have to be a perfect man to take a stand. You must simply be willing to take it. It will take the bravery and strength of many caring men to begin to make a real impact, but we can be brave, strong and caring can’t we?

One simple but important thing that you can do is come to the vigil for Nicole Oliver on Tuesday July 24 at 6 p.m. at Wells Harbor Gazebo Park. Come add yourself and your voice to those saying “NO MORE!” Come for your mothers and sisters and daughters who deserve to be safe in their own homes. Take a stand.

With hope,

Brian T. Clark

Windham