“You can’t complain about what you permit.” -Faith Duck

Lane: Tommy is floating to the Constitution State this week and left me floating in my back yard to write this column while trying to stay dry. This lousy March-like weather is making me cranky because every joint hurts and I believe I have joints where I have never expected to have one. Rather than keep the frustration inside me or take it out on my wonderful wife of (gasp) 22 years (I know that because I forgot our June 1 wedding anniversary), I will spill it all out in words.

My first complaint is about the United States Postal Service, especially in South Windham. (I am not complaining about the various postal clerks that work there as they are all wonderful and talented people and provide a pleasant and professional atmosphere.)

First and foremost, I worry that the future intention is to close that postal facility and leave us with only one extremely busy post office in North Windham.

The second complaint is the cost of a post office box in South Windham. When my wife and I first arrived in Windham, the cost of a postal box was $22 for a six-month period. Now it has risen to $35 for six months because Windham has city delivery. Why should I pay the same amount as a postal patron of North Windham who has greater access to their postal box?

The South Windham Post Office opens at 10 a.m. and closes at 5 p.m. during weekdays. It’s open from 10 a.m. to noon on Saturdays. I understand that patrons of the North Windham Post Office have almost 10 or more hours of access on weekdays. So, I have to ask this question. Why are the South Windham postal patrons being discriminated against? Shouldn’t we pay less because we have a lot less time to access our mail?

Having worked in the military postal system for many years, I know that the purpose of a post office box is to provide patrons with quick access to their mail. I certainly don’t have that if the South Windham Post Office opens at 10 a.m. and the box mail is yet to be sorted.

My second complaint is about the way some people drive. What happened to laws and common courtesy in this state that we used to see years ago? If you want to count the hairs on the back of my head (yeah, I know they are rapidly decreasing in number), stand behind me in line at any convenience store for a better and safer view. Why is it that some drivers, when making a left turn when approaching from the opposite direction have to have at least one set of tires on your side of the road?

Maybe more people need eye exams but why is it that drivers waiting to turn into a busy road look for what seems an hour when you are far away and then suddenly pull in front of you at the last moment only to cause you to change your underwear?

My last complaint this week is about some of our local and state elected officials. I thought the majority of them might have intelligence and common sense but the budget process in Windham and Augusta swept that thought out of my mind in a hurry.

I will no longer ask for tax reform or relief. The dictionary that those politicians use defines tax reform as a manner in which new taxes can be levied and tax relief is defined as relieving us of as much money as they can without being hung. Gray’s town council got the message this year. It is obvious that the Windham School Board and the legislature in Augusta did not, and that includes Democrats and Republicans alike.

Why an official in Windham that makes over $100,000 a year needs a pay raise is beyond me, but, then again, I only have to look at who proposed that pay raise. All one has to do is look at the number of houses for sale and moving sales in our wonderful town to understand our local government is driving the natives away. Funny thing, didn’t colonists do this just a few hundred years ago?

Not to be outdone by those in Vermont who want to secede from the union, Lane and Tommy, of Windham, propose that the state of New Hampshire annex Maine by eminent domain because so many Mainers already shop there anyways just to avoid Maine’s excessive taxes. They would allow for $2 of severance pay for all Maine legislators.