You have heard me say that although I can watch friendly old movies over and over, I don’t watch anything new. Columbo. Columbo roasting Frank Sinatra. Notting Hill. Jack Benny. The same goes for books. I have nine Dutch books that I read over and over. They are about De Cock, an Amsterdam detective, and every time I read one I might learn a new idiom or insight into how the plots were constructed.

Psychologists have a name for people with this strange habit, and I’m glad I don’t know what it is.

A recent jailbreak in Alabama, however, has captured my attention. Because of the peculiar circumstances surrounding it, I check the internet several times a day to see if the escapee has been caught and to learn how in the world a very bad man was able to simply walk out the front door of a jail.

If you don’t own a radio or TV, a corrections official and model employee named Vicky White escorted a 6-foot-9 murder suspect named Casey White (no relation) out of an Alabama jail. Their whereabouts are now unknown.

If you’ve already had enough of the jailbreak, thank you for reading this far. Otherwise, below are comments I posted on my Facebook page as the story unfolded.

Can you imagine how that White woman’s heart must have been pounding when she led that 6-foot-9 killer out of the jail and toward her police car? Her eyes must have been dilated and she must have had trouble controlling her breathing.

It is easy to get my wife, Marsha, into a similar state of excitement, and I did so this morning when I asked her if she would cut my hair.

Why would any woman get excited over cutting an old man’s hair?

You’re right. It’s not the hair cutting that made her little heart go pitty patter.

When she has the scissors in her hand, she will creep around to the side and Trim My Eyebrows.

Friend Tim says that Ms. White’s probably going to be found in a dumpster or a canal.

No no no. He is 6-foot-9. He needs her to buy groceries and drive. He can’t step out in public but what he’ll be nailed. I wouldn’t be surprised if many very tall men have been viewed with suspicion and perhaps even reported this week.

He can’t even drive a car without sticking out like a sore thumb. His head would be right up around the roof in most any car. He needs that woman. There is so much news out on them that in just the U.S., tens of millions of people with twice that number of eyes would spot them pretty quickly. I believe that many couples with similar builds have been reported every day this week by good citizens who are trying to help. Medical people should be on the alert for a man who checks into emergency and asks to have 12 inches sawed off his legs.

Their best bet was to have rented a nearby secluded place with a garage to hide the car where they could hunker down without moving for a month or two.

Ms. White made major financial moves in the weeks leading up to the escape. She sold her $204,700 home for $95,550.  The plot thickens. Ready cash is not their problem. Spending it might be.

Facebook friend Steve suggests that Casey White could be hiding out in a locker room with basketball players. If the White widow is in it with all her heart, she probably had a nearby nest already lined where they can lie low for a couple of months before moving on. We’ve heard of kids being locked in closets for years without the next-door neighbor noticing, so it’s possible these guys won’t turn up for months.

If you are like me, you probably thought that a jailbreak entailed crawling through half a mile of sewer pipe on your hands and knees, or at least swimming a mile in ice-cold water.

All the romance of an old-time jailbreak was dashed to the ground when I saw how easy it is to walk out of a jail. In the good old days, they’d dynamite an adobe wall or at least tie a burro onto the bars and slap his rump.

If you watch a video of our most famous recent jailbreak, you’ll see that in 2022, it is easier for a murderer to break out of jail than it is to walk out of a Walmart without paying for a bag of chips.

The humble Farmer can be heard Friday nights at 7 on WHPW (97.3 FM) and visited at:
www.thehumblefarmer.com/
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